I know most people don't need a reason to drink, but still as Americans we like to make an official holiday for getting sh*t-faced. March 17th, St. Patty's Day, is a time to pay our respect to funny looking red-headed midgets, puke green, and say "Kiss me, I'm Irish", even though you know damn well you're German. Guzzling down mass amounts of beer can be fun, dangerous, and sometimes simply entertaining. People drink for misery, happiness, peer pressure, or because they're alcoholics...and today I offer a few good reasons to swig down a frothy green brew.
Our pitching staff was supposed to be the cream of the crop in the NL East. Well, we're two weeks away from opening day and our staff has a bloated ERA as we can't seem to hold anybody under 23 runs a game. I know "it's only Spring Training", but at some point our starters need to get people out without surrendering more runs than innings pitched, and we need to hash out the bullpen situation as most of the candidates for spots are pitching like Gavin Floyd...ouch!
Not all is gloom and doom in Phillieland, because as crappy as our pitching has been this spring our offense has been scoring at will too. Maybe we can rub up on a shamrock and hope to simply out score the opposition. Shane Victorino is playing outstanding with a .450 average, 4 stolen bases, 11 runs scored, a 1.100 OPS, and only two strikeouts in 40 at bats. Greg Dobbs, Chase Utley, Wes Helms, Karim Garcia, Ryan Howard, Michael Bourn, and Rod Barajas are also turning in a fine Grapefruit League effort.
Although most of our offensive cogs are working properly, some need a bit of tinkering or better yet- LUCK! Future 2007 NL MVP, Pat Burrell, is struggling this spring with a foot ailment and contact lenses. Fence-Face, Aaron Rowand, is batting .139 (5-36)...time to get those shoulder implants you've been contemplating. Then of course there is Abe "No-Hit" Nunez under the Mendoza-line, as if we would expect anything less or more for that matter.
Who knows, maybe Patty G on St. Patty's Day will pull off a trade involving Donut-Eater Lieber and sure up our bullpen and everything will be hokey-dokey. Or maybe spring stats don't matter and the Phils are just playing the role of hustlers. Perhaps I've given way too much thought to any of this and just need to sit back and relax.
Now go celebrate, rejuvenate, or commiserate, but me...I'm just plain exasperated.