Thursday, March 08, 2007

Embrace your inner-Wheeler

Corey- "You have officially lost your right to talk sh*t on Chris Wheeler. I read that Benedict Arnold-like comment over at BeerLeaguer where you gave Wheels props. I threw up all over the computer and am still a little sick about it. I haven't been this disappointed since I found out Milli Vanilli didn't sing on their album."

My comment on BeerLeaguer- "I get out of work at 3:10, so hopefully I can catch the last couple innings on my new XM. I listened to the Rox and ChiSox yesterday, and I must say, the more and more I hear other teams' announcers- we are truly spoiled as Phillies fans with the voices and banter of Kalas, Larry, and gasp, even Wheeler. I like to make fun of Wheeler, but he is a good announcer even if he does say really stupid stuff some times. I look forward to hearing broadcasts from all over the league, but the Phils crew is top-notch."

Corey and I are best friends, therefore we enjoy getting a good laugh at each other's expense. When I was talking to him on the phone this weekend, he informed me that the next time I make fun of Chris Wheeler he will photoshop my face into some incriminating photos with Wheels. Basically, he is revoking my right to make fun of that handicapped Slap-Nut in the booth. I look forward to seeing these photos Corey, but for the time being I'm going to embrace my inner-Wheeler and proclaim my undying love of his commentary and unwavering loyalty to him as a top-notch announcer.

Reasons I love Chris Wheeler:

*Refers to batters swinging a "magic wand" that have the ability to seemingly place the ball wherever they want it (i.e. Juan Pierre, Ichiro Suzuki, Tony Gwynn).
*Always says the left-handed sluggers like it "middle-in"...great sexual innuendo.
*"Back she goes" when it appears the female baseball is going to land somewhere over the outfield fence.
*He has made a great living considering his mental deficiencies...better than tearing ticket stubs off at the movie theatre.
*Calls players "dirtballs" if they "play the game the right way".
*"He's a typical lefty" in regards to any left-handed pitcher that seems a bit goofy and may challenge Fuqua on an I.Q. test.
*He has a horrible time pronouncing any player of Latin descents name, because he places too much emphasis on the vowels.
*He was born and raised in Philadelphia and has been a tremendous ambassador for the city during his lifetime.



GM-Carson said...

Our buddy John Vukovich, my favorite 3rd base coach of all-time, is not doing so well in the health department. Check out the link-

GM-Carson said...

Vukovich actually died this morning. He was a cool dude. R.I.P. Vuk!

GM-Carson said...

There will be a tribute Phillies Phlashback Phriday done in John Vukovich's honor tomorrow.

goDuke said...

Thats sad, I always remember Vuk being there. Hopefully they will step up and do good things this year. That would be the best tribute the Phillies could do.

furiousBall said...

Oh that blows, Vuk was a good guy. Crap, I don't want to even say anything disparaging about Wheels now. Bummer.

Corey said...

i'm going to pour a little out in honor or Vuk tonight.

...but don't let this stop anyone from ripping on Carson's new man-crush, Wheels.

GM-Carson said...

I did this Wheeler piece with full intention of people ripping on me. So let me have it, we'll honor Vuk tomorrow.

chuckm said...

Watching Phillies game just wouldnt be the same without thoughts entering my mind of hacking Wheelers larynx with a machete, verbalizing "Will somebody shut Wheeler up?" and the feeling of relief when Harry comes back in the 7th. It could be worse as at least we dont have to suffer through the likes of Ken "Hawk" Harrelson or the awful "Al-Yankzeera" crew (Jim Kaat excepted).

GM-Carson said...

I really don't like Chris Wheeler that much, and I too often yell "shut the hell up" at the tv. But since Corey planned on making fun of me anyway, I figured I'd poke fun at myself too.

Skeeter said...

I want those panties! Not for me super hot girlfriend...who I do...cause I'm a man...

And I often wonder if the reason Wheels sounds SO bad is because Harry is SO awesome. Then I realize this isn't the cause. Wheels is just THAT bad.

And Carson...First you don't want to shed out money for some opening day tickets and now you want Wheels in your bed. Wow...up is down and left is right. I don't know what to think anymore

Anonymous said...

I must admit I am not the biggest Wheels fan. However I do appreciate his talents compared to other broadcast teams.
I lived in Florida for part of last year and used to watch the occassional Marlins game. Believe me we are VERY spoiled here in Philly. Wheels runs circles (no pun intended) around those two dolts in Miami. And lets not forget the stiffs who broadcast Braves games on TBS. How could two of those guys be related to Harry Carey?
Anyway, I don't like Wheels, but we are stuck with him. I'll take him over Tim McCarver anyday.

Corey said...

the only people worse than wheels are time mccarver and joe morgan, with morgan taking the slim lead in worst active baseball announcer. and yet he wins awards for doing it. that's like milli vanilli winning a grammy...

Scotty said...

I have to agree about the Joe Morgan and Tim McCarver comment, The only thing worse than the two of them doing baseball games would be the two of them doing baseball games together.

I hope ESPN never attempts to lure McCarver from FOX for Sunday Night Baseball, I might have to stop watching if that ever happens.

I found this article on the Phillies, its pretty good if you want to check it out here it is.

GM-Carson said...

Listened to today's game on the ride home and Jim Ed Warden sucked! There's a reason many players that are Rule 5's never amount to anything...they're worthless. Alfredo Simon and Jim Ed Warden are each pitching shitty this spring.

Of course there are some Rule 5's that end up being awesome (Johan Santana, Jay Gibbons, Craig Wilson, our Model Dictator Fabio Castro).

Joe Morgan is the worst. My wife makes me mute the tv when we watch games he announces.

Chris said...

Hey, have you seen the message board based off of Chris Wheeler?

Chris said...

Or the Chris Wheeler 4 HOF Action Blog?

Anonymous said...

Joe Morgan is terrible, but I still have to stick with Tim McCarver as the worst. His voice has that annoying down on the farm folksy accent that makes me want to drive my head through a wall. He also makes pointless observations and sucks up to the Yankees like it is his job. How he got to be the lead color guy for baseball's biggest games boggles the mind.

Los said...

I think Wheels is a great analyst - no matter what anyone else says. However, I hate his behind the scenes shenanigans, trying to get ahead at legendary people's expense. He is a scumbag in that sense.

BenJah said...

i think joe morgan is awesome!! you can really learn a lot about the game.

i can't believe people think he's mccarver-bad....that guy is the fuckn worst analyst in the history of speaking.

peace out, vuk

das411 said...

I for one cannot wait until we trade Lieber to the Astros for Dan Wheeler and get to hear the head-exploding noises from the booth the first time those two encounter each other!

Farewell, Vuke. In case you guys have not seen them already here is some decent linkage for ya:

GM-Carson said...

I feel a "worst baseball anouncer" poll coming soon.

klkatz said...

I'm moving back home to Philadelphia in June. I can't wait for the friendly voices of Harry, Larry and Chris.

I'm a bit schocked that Scott Graham was not extended an offer. I thought he was being weened to replace Harry.(though we know harry is irreplaceable)

luckily, down here in Atlanta (i know, bring on the boos), I can get MLB Audio.. that saved my life. you can only put up with too many... "Chopper to Chipper"s...

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