Monday, March 26, 2007

Donut-Eater

Sorry about yesterday's post, I was having one of my manic depressive mood swoons. Anyway, I'm here today to bring a smile to your face with the WSBGM's song parody of Maneater by Hall & Oates, aptly retitled Donut-Eater in honor of our chubby pitcher Jon Lieber. So kick back and relax with a cup of coffee or glass of milk and a few of your favorite flavors of donuts and enjoy (I'm partial to jelly-filled).


He'll only come out at feeding time,
The hefty and hungry type.
Nothing is new, I've seen him at Dunkin' Donuts before.
Watching and salivating,
He's sitting with you, but his eyes are on the dough.
So many have waited to see,
Just how fat this man could be.
The man is wild, a fat-cat tamed by the cream-filled.
He's getting fatter,
If you're in it to win, you ain't gonna get too far.

Oh here he comes,
Watch out boy he'll chew you up!
Oh here he comes,
He's a Donut-Eater.
Oh here he comes,
Watch out boy he'll swallow your glazed whole!
Oh here he comes,
He's a Donut-Eater.

Donukin' Donuts or Krispy Kreme,
This fatso is on our team.
He's deadly man, and he could really rip your Boston Cream apart.
Platter after platter,
The pitcher is there, but the fat is in the heart.

Oh here he comes,
Watch out boy he'll chew your arm off.
Oh here he comes,
He's a Donut-Eater.
Oh here he comes,
Watch out boy he'll eat the entire baker's dozen.
Oh here he comes,
The Donut-Eater!

~Carson

16 comments:

GM-Carson said...

Cole Hamels, who had two base hits yesterday, is giving all the credit to Jimmy Rollins. J-Roll has been trying to teach the pitchers a good approach to their at bats and the importance of being a threat out of the 9 hole. I'd love for our pitchers to step up their production at the plate, as that will only lead to more runs.

goDuke said...

The last picture is terrifying. Where the hell did you get that one? It looks like some child-molester nut job eating a dick shaped donut. Definitely something Captain Krispy Kreme Lieber would not condone... Other then that, nicely done!

GM-Carson said...

Captain Krispy Kreme- that has a nice ring to it. We'll add that to the list of nicknames for Donut-Eater.

I was going to do a song parody to U2's "With or Without You" for Jon Lieber, but this worked out better.

Skeeter said...

Yes! This is the reason I love this site. A cover song describing our fatass 6th starter's love for donuts. Genius.

furiousBall said...

I'm still trying to get over the phrase "dick shaped donut" used by goDuke

goDuke said...

That picture was just really disturbing to me for some reason. If that dude was my next door neighbor, I'd sell my house and move. Its just that bad. On a positive note, at least Lieber didn't hurt himself actually eating a donut... so thats good.

Kaisersoto said...

nothing about poorly timed obligue muscle injuries in that song?

not every pitcher has a contact and power side like vicente, as a whole the pitching staff need to do better jobs just putting the ball in play and k-ing less. kudos to j-roll for doing milt thompson's job...

corey (some douche is logged in under this name and i am too lazy to change it...)

GM-Carson said...

Corey is the master of the song parodies, but I'm pleased with this one of mine. Good for some laughs.

Corey- you could have really screwed with that KaiserSoto guy by going and messing with all his settings. That would have been the upstanding a-hole thing to do afterall.

GM-Carson said...

News- Freddy Garcia. There's a chance he'll recover from right biceps tendinitis and open the season on time. More will be known when he throws today. If all goes well, he could pitch in a game Wednesday, stay in Clearwater for a minor-league start next week, and pitch April 7 or 8 at Florida.

Jon Lieber. Will he be the fifth starter while Garcia recovers or a bullpen find? Probably neither. Manuel said the righthander could need 10 days to recover from a strained right oblique muscle and that probably will mean a trip to the disabled list. If Garcia can't be the fifth starter, Zack Segovia or J.A. Happ might get a shot.

The catching puzzle. Carlos Ruiz is battling shoulder tendinitis. He began throwing yesterday. If he's not ready, Jayson Werth could be the backup, or Chris Coste could open in the majors. Coste has been hampered by a right hamstring injury, has only had 18 at-bats, and could need time in triple A.

The bullpen riddle. Tom Gordon is healthy and that's what matters most. He still needs repetitions and will get them this week. Antonio Alfonseca, Ryan Madson and Geoff Geary slide in behind Gordon. The final three spots are unclear, and there's always a chance one could be filled from outside the organization in a trade. Segovia has made a case to make the roster. He could improve his stock with a good outing against the Yankees today. Clay Condrey, who is out of options and can't be sent to the minors without passing through waivers, remains in the picture. Lefthanded relief is a major concern as neither Matt Smith nor Fabio Castro has pitched well.

The bench. Extra infielder Abraham Nuñez is a definite. Greg Dobbs deserves a spot based on his spring performance and ability to provide good lefthanded at-bats off the bench. Werth appears set, even though some scouts believe he could use some more at-bats after missing last season. That seems to leave three players battling for one job: Coste, Karim Garcia and Michael Bourn.

Bob D said...

I vote for Krispy Kremes.

Oh, this wasn't a poll was it?


Brito, Castro were optioned as Bisenius was told he will be sent down also. Looks as if Condrey, Warden, and Smith could all make the team. That is with Garcia, Lieber, and possibly Geary all injured or banged up. Geary will probably be OK though. They also may elect to skip Garcia in the rotation the 1st week, giving one of these guys his spot on the roster for that 1st week only.

GM-Carson said...

The Phillies made the following transactions prior to today's game against the Yankees.
Pitchers Eude Brito and Fabio Castro were optioned to minor league camp; third baseman Brennan King and catcher Dusty Wathan, both non-roster invitees, were re-assigned to minor league camp.

The following players were informed that they would not make the Opening Day roster, but will accompany the club to Philadelphia for the weekend On-Deck Series against the Red Sox: infielder Brent Abernathy, righthander Joe Bisenius and outfielder Ron Calloway.

Catcher Jason Jaramillo has returned to major league camp. Jaramillo had previously been re-assigned to minor league camp on March 12.

The moves leave the Phillies with 36 players in major league camp.

Skeeter said...

I still don't feel confident with Smith. PROVE ME WRONG MATTY!

McD said...

Gotta love the Hall and Oates remix!

I am not usually a conspiracy theorist, but it seems very convienent that Lieber got injured so soon after hearing he won't be in the rotation. Is this an ominous sign of things to come from Captain Krispy Kreme?

Los said...

Should we start getting worried at all by Howard's slow start to spring training? Hopefully, he finds his swing really soon.

chuckm said...

I wouldnt be worrying about Howard except that Howard seems to be getting a bit flustered himself. Maybe coming north will do him good.
Looks like Madsons having a decent ST and Smith & Alfonseca are finally settling in during this final week.

GM-Carson said...

I really wouldn't be all that concerned about Howard, but Howard is concerned about Howard and that concerns me. Damn, that's a funny soudning sentence.

Shh...Madson has been good this spring.