Tuesday, March 06, 2007

David Bell: Not A Fan Of Small Nuts

From SI.com yesterday:

David Bell, a veteran of a dozen major league seasons, received six packages of HCG at a Philadelphia address last April, when he played for the Phillies. The cost was $128.80, and the drug was prescribed in conjunction with an Arizona antiaging facility. Bell acknowledges receiving the shipment but tells SI the drug was prescribed to him "for a medical condition," which he declined to disclose, citing his right to privacy.
Medical condition? Okay, let's take a closer look at what hCG (human chorionic gonadotropin) really is. hCG is most "famous" for being the hormone detected by home pregnancy tests. In men, it is used to treat hypogonadism and infertility because it causes the gonads (ha, gonads...) to produce testosterone, which is necessary for sperm production. It is also used in combination with anabolic steroids to maintain testicular size. [Wikipedia has a great explanation of how this works here.]

The way I see it, there are then three reasons why David Bell was taking hCG:
1) He as trying to fail a pregnancy test, likely because his boyfriend was leaving him and this was a last ditch effort to keep him around.
2) He was trying to get a chick knocked-up so his partner and he could raise a child together, but was unsuccessful and looking for some help with his spermatogenesis.
3) He was taking anabolic steroids and was very self conscious about the size of his junk.

All joking aside, Bell could have been using hCG for fertility reasons. And if he was, then he might be more stupid than we ever imagined even Charlie Manuel to be. Think about it. He's plays a professional sport who's biggest story the last 5 years has been steroid abuse. He's going to take a treatment with known association with the use of anabolic steroids. Yet he gets his hCG from an "antiaging facility" all the way across the country that coincidentally has ties to supplying growth hormone and steroids to other professional athletes. Genius. Memo to Fairy Feet: get your legitimate treatment from legitimate doctors in legitimate clinics or else people might think you're...*gasp*...cheating.

I have more to say but I have to check the mail. I have a bit of a headache so I had a "doctor" in Tijuana prescribe some "Mexican Advil." Sweet.


Corey



*Thought Subaru deserved a shout out due to yesterday's discussion.

24 comments:

GM-Carson said...

Thank you for doing this piece Corey. Your medical background obviously understands the situation more than myself and gave a good analysis of how this does directly link Bell to steroids and being gay...quality.

GM-Carson said...

Yesterday was a STATE game, but actually not played in the state at all. The Phils downed the Buccos 11-10 in 10 innings. Phils committed 5 errors...YUCK!!! The Pirates have still yet to win.

Corey said...

originally i had a whole explanation of the pathophysiology or gonadotropin releasing hormone, luetinizing hormone, the hypothalamic-pituitary axis, etc. then i realized, no one gives a crap. so i deleted it. everyone is better off for it, too.

david bell is such a freakin' h-mo. even steroids couldn't help him. sad.

GM-Carson said...

Corey- I have no idea what the hell you just said...brilliant!

Corey said...

maybe capital letters will help:

DAVID BELL IS SUCH A FREAKIN' H-MO.

hope that clears things up.

GM-Carson said...

Thanks smart-ass, but I understood that part. I was talking about all the medical jargon you typed.

It's freaking March and it snows and now I have off work. My Easter vacation went from 5 days to 3, this sucks!

Los said...

That explains the monstrous jump in Bell's batting average last season ... wait, nevermind.

GM-Carson said...

Los has returned!!!

As if Corey and I needed fuel for our fire in the hating Bell department. Now I'm waiting for some story on the Headcase known as Gavin Floyd to surface, and all will be right with the world.

goDuke said...

I considered working from home, but decided there just wasn't enough snow to warrant it. I'm sure I'll be kicking myself for that when I have a long ass commute home. I can't believe it took 10 innings to beat the buccos. Pathetic. Must have been because Burrell didn't play.

michael said...

is the snow really that bad where you guys are? i'm in philly and theres barely any like a light covering on the street, probably less than an inch. well enjoy your day off jerks.

Moe Ville said...

I'm reading the Inquirer this morning and trying to understand this story that is bizarre even by Phillie's standards. Thanks for setting the record straight Corey. All that med school paid off. It makes me long for the Phils of the 70's. The good old days, when the entire team was jacked-up on speed.

Bob D said...

Bell was definitely much stronger last year with that stuff Corey typed up and thank goodness he deleted it before I got a headache.

Maybe you could put together a Major League Baseball All Time Felon Team or a Phillies All Time Felon Team. Just a suggestion, it would be interesting to read while we wait for opening day.

GM-Carson said...

I think we need to grant David Bell a reprieve, as all of this harassment is uneccessary...ah, who am I kidding? Booooooooooooo

furiousBall said...

My theory : Bell was actually taking the human growth hormone to become a better power bottom.

michael said...

exactly furious he wants the strongest legs and back for more "enjoyment"..

McD said...

I think Bell was so desperate to get a fourth generation of his family in the big leagues that he was willing to do anything. That and his bf was probably pressuring him about commitment.

Thank God he is no longer the Phillies' problem!

GM-Carson said...

In yesterday's game, new catcher Rod Barajas went hard into 2nd base trying to break up the play and ended up hurting last season's NL batting leader Freddy Sanchez. Sanchez left the game with a mild sprain...this Barajas is ballsy, he might not be so bad after all.

From Buster Olney's ESPN blog- Jamie Moyer has pitched two decades in the big leagues, and has been with a lot of teams and a lot of clubhouses and teammates, and he loves the makeup of the young players in the Phillies' organization. They're understated, he thinks, respectful of the game and of others, to the point where he wishes they would infringe on each other's time a little bit more.
Moyer stood in a Phillies clubhouse meeting the other day and encouraged other players to talk to each other, to ask questions of each other, to feel free to approach veterans. And so it came to pass that Brian Mazone, a left-handed pitcher who is in his first camp in the big leagues, got into a discussion with Moyer in the dugout about how he would pitch to a particular hitter.

And Mazone has reason to soak all of this in. The left-hander is 30 years old, and this is his first time at a big league camp in spring training, having arrived after working for years at his father's pool company and pitching in independent leagues. Mazone, undrafted years ago, pitched for the Joliet Jackhammers, but signed with the Phillies' organization before last year -- and had a stunning 2006 season, going 13-3 with a 2.03 ERA for Triple-A Scranton.

He was brought in to face the Red Sox the other day, and after giving up a home run, Mazone came back to strike out David Ortiz with a couple of sliders, and then thought he had Manny Ramirez struck out on a pitch to the corner. When the Phillies returned to the dugout, Mazone asked catcher Chris Coste why Ramirez wasn't called out. "You're 76," Coste explained, referring to Mazone's number, "and he's Manny Ramirez."

Mazone wound up striking out four, bouncing back after giving up that homer, and came away feeling good about his outing; he'd thrown strikes, he'd shown the coaching staff that he had the makeup to bounce back from a poor inning, and above all else, Mazone got to pitch to some of the best hitters in the world.

Over the years, he has filled various roles in his father's company, including digging the holes for the pools. But the other day, he got to pitch to Ortiz and Manny Ramirez in a big league spring training. "This is great," he said, smiling.

He and Moyer had talked about how to work to hitters, and then the other day, after the Phillies' main body of players had left on a road trip, Moyer was on a back field, going through mechanics with right-hander Brian Sanches. "Where was your hand that time," he asked. Sanches stopped and held his delivery, a moment of spring training frozen in time.

michael said...

i think moyer could make a pretty good pitching coach when he retires. he seems to really like helping the young guys out, classy veteran all the way.

The Rev said...

David Bell was cheating?

If that's cheating, then I'd hate to see what his numbers would have been if he was legit.

If you cheat, you're not supposed to suck, unless your name is Jeremy Giambi.

P.J. O'Brien said...

Excellent post, guys. Love it, humor and actual analysis. And Gonads.

I definitely added a link to you guys in Ashburn Alley.

GM-Carson said...

When Corey and I started this blog last March, I never expected it to amount to much. Basically, it was going to be a place for us to amuse ourselves. Now we have decent following and a nice collection of links. I know we're not up there with BeerLeaguer, but dammit it feels good just to have people come and read our opinions and share their's too. Thanks to all.

Alright, enough with the mushy shit...David Bell did and will forever suck (in more than one way).

GM-Carson said...

Myers was shaky with his command today (4 bb), as he didn't even make it through his 3rd inning of work.

Our boy and future 2007 NL MVP, Pat Burrell, went deep for his 1st homerun of the spring after sitting out a couple days with a sore back. Helms also hit his first hr of the spring.

Gregg Dobbs continues to hit. It may only be a week into spring training, but Dobbs is making a case for himself to be on the Phils bench this year.

Clay Condrey continued his nice spring with 1.1 innings of perfect baseball. He has zero minor league options remaining, so he needs to show he belongs in the Phils 'pen.

BloodStripes said...

Moyer is a legend. A player coach.

GM-Carson said...

I have a baseball card of Charlie Hustle, Pete Rose, that has him listed as a player/manager for the Reds...that's awesome!