Thursday, February 01, 2007

Transportation

When looking at a team's attributes the typical focus is on power, hitting, defense, starting pitching, and bullpen. One category that seems to be only briefly touched upon is speed/base running. We all know that we have "Wheels" in the broadcast booth, "he likes it middle-in", but we also have a hodgepodge of running styles on this team. Therefore, I've decided to break down the current roster and place them into various transportation groups.

First up are the peglegs- Pat Burrell and Rod Barajas. This group is the station-to-station type that clogs basepaths worse than a huge turd in a toilet. They as a rule need a pinch-runner in late innings when the score is close.

Next group of motoring fools are the monster trucks- Ryan Howard and Aaron Rowand. This group is all about power, as they can get their wheels turning fast enough to crush anybody or anything (fence) that gets in their way. Seriously, what would you do if you were a catcher and Howard was barreling down on you?

In a class by himself is Shane "Flyin' Hawaiian" Victorino, who is aptly portrayed by a helicopter. He hasn't learned the art of stealing bases, but he burns around the bases as fast as an 80's metal guitarist doing a solo jacked up on cocaine and whiskey. Here's to hoping Davy Lopes can help Vic harness that speed and convert it into some steals next season.

This category is the elite, the fast and the furious, the 0-60 mph in 4 seconds, the racecars- Jimmy Rollins and Chase Utley. We all know J-Roll is going to get his fair share of triples and swipe 30-40 bags for us, and I'm thankful for that. Most of you are probably wondering why I would include Chase in this group. Well, he was rated MLB's 2nd best baserunner last season, so I believe that is good enough for me. *Chris Roberson would be filed into this type as well, but I didn't want to insult Rollins and Utley.

Once again, we have a member of the Phillies that gets a mode of transportation all to himself, Carlos "Chooch" Ruiz- the train. I don't know when, where, or why Ruiz got the nickname "Chooch", but I must say it fits him perfectly just like "Pudge" fits Ivan Rodriguez. One thing to know about Ruiz, he runs very well for a catcher.

The last kind of transportation is the plain-jane automobile- Jayson Werth, Chris Coste, and Wes Helms. There is nothing bad nor good about this group. They won't help nor hurt you on the basepaths. Basically they're too slow to be called fast, and too fast to be called slow.

~Carson

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Late Edition: With Skeeter's recommendation, I have included a mode of transportation for our brainiac skipper, Charlie Manuel, and astute announcer, Chris Wheeler...the short bus. Silly R-Tards!

*Abe "No-Hit" Nunez was not placed into a category due to the fact that he's not on base enough to warrant placement.

18 comments:

Skeeter said...

Wheels and Manuel would be under the "short bus" category

GM-Carson said...

That was genious Skeeter! Pure genius!

furiousBall said...

great post, I think one of the reasons Chase is such an effective baserunner is that he plays within himself and he's smart

i like when the phils announcers call the Flyin Hawaiian "waterbug" because he just kind of flails all of his appendages when he's running

GM-Carson said...

Chase, Jimmy, and Rollins are a pleasure to watch blaze around the bases. You're right Furiousball, Chase is "baseball savvy", which allows him to make the most of his ability. He plays all-out too, which is one of the reasons he's my favorite player on the team.

chuckm said...

That play last season when Chase came all the way around from second and scored on a sky-high Howard chopper vs the Knaves was one of the "WTF...YEAAAAAH" plays of recent memory. It also begat Harrys
the K's now-classic "Chase Utley, you are THE MAN!" call.

chuckm said...

Some other highly enjoyable basepath escapades- Chase steamrolling Dodger catcher Russell Martin, Burrell flattening a Reds(?)catcher with a forearm shiver and Vic plowing LoDuca and flopping around to slap the plate. Worst memories- Everytime frigging William Duncey sent a runner home and had them out by a mile. Duncey ranks with Dale "Send 'em home" Sveum" and Wendell "The Windwill" Kim as far as awful third-base coaches.

GM-Carson said...

ChuckM- excellent recap of some of the more memorable baserunning adventures.

GM-Carson said...

Just read the Cards are interested in Jon Lieber. Not sure what they have to offer in return, but hey, at least there's interest.

It has also been suggested that the Rowand to Padres deal might be expanded beyond Linebrink to include Terrmel Sledge or Mike Cameron. I'm sure the Phils would have to throw in a prospect or someone like Madson.

The Big Dog said...

If you close your eyes and listen to Charlie "talk", doesn't he sound like a fine mix between FogHorn LegHorn and the Cajun coach from Waterboy? Whenever he talks all I can think of is that big friggin chicken.

Skeeter said...

haha manuel as a big chicken

nice addition carson...also, abe not being on a list due to his inability to get on base is brillaint. You hate that guy so much don't you?

I just envisioned carson's worst nightmare...stuck on an island with sandoval, bell and nunez

GM-Carson said...

Wow...stuck on an island with Sandoval, Nunez, and H-Mo Bell. First I'd sacrifice Sandoval to Bell and let him be his boy toy. Then I would take Mr. No-Hit and bar-b-q that sonnabitch up and eat him for dinner...yum!

The Rev said...

Commenting on a previous posting...

I can't believe you guys never got to see Bowa or Luzinski play.

I saw them play when I was 8 at the Vet. It was opening day, 1980. And the great part about that game was that not only did I get to see a Greg Luzinski blast that night, I got to see Bowa argue a call with the ump and get tossed.

Man, I'm old.

Los said...

You shoulda used a picture of the short bus from Dumb and Dumberer ... and yes, I unfortunately saw that movie.

chuckm said...

rev- You aint that old, bro. My first game was at Connie Mack Stadium in 1968. I saw Rich Allen bust a massive HR and had a pigeon shit on me.

fans said...

Comcast reports Myers signed for 3 years - 26 million - if he passes physical.

Bob D said...

"jacked up on cocaine and whiskey" is that banned from baseball to get these guys to run the bases?

Oh yeah, my fire company here in town has a short little bus all painted red. How about we put the Phillies logo on it and make it the coaches transportation vehicle?

Bob D said...

Nunez doesn't get on base, and Roberson only gets on base as a gift (pinchrunning). LOL

Where do the pitchers fall into as runners????

GM-Carson said...

Pitchers don't run they jog.

Bob D- that's a great idea for the Phils short bus. Talk to the fire chief and see if we can set something up for this season.

I'm just a young whipper-snapper yet, so I did not have the pleasure of seeing Bull or Bowa play. But I did see my childhood hero, Mike Schmidt.