Thursday, February 15, 2007
Load the truck, it's that time.
Winter just got done rearing its ugly head over my back yard and much of the northeast seaboard. Forget the blustery conditions up here and lets focus on the important stuff like pine tar, rosin bags, and games of pepper in the on-deck circle. I hope the Phils packed the truck with all the goodies and necessities they'll need over the next month and a half, because it's time for spring training!
1. 14 cases of Ben Gay, and no I'm not talking about your buddy Ben's closet alter-ego.
2. 100 pouches of Big League Chew, preferably the original bubble gum flavor...I'm a traditionalist.
3. 250 balls, baseballs that is. The total number of balls in camp otherwise depends on the amount of players invited, which would be an odd number if Kruk attended.
4. 1 jock-in-the-box, seriously how can you deny the hours of fun this would produce?
5. 100 jockstraps, because Howard, Rowand, and Utley at least need two each and Lieber could use them as a bra.
6. 3 ball-and-chains, because Utley and Hamels recently became hitched, and apparently Burrell has settled down with a lovely young stripper.
7. 1 axe- to rid the team of Danny Sandoval and Abe Nunez...no use making two axes dirty.
8. 1 bottle opener- customized with Scott Graham's voice, so that you can make fun of that ass-hat the drunker you get. Pop a top again!
9. 723 bottles of Advil, for when Charlie gets a headache from thinking too much.
10. Box of tissues, for when Chris Coste gets the shaft and the Disney feel-good story comes to a bitter tearful end.
11. A tape recorder so that we can get an official count on how many lame things Chris Wheeler says.
12. 200 bags of sunflower seeds, this is baseball isn't it?
13. 1 of whatever the hell this thing is, looks like fun.