Monday, January 08, 2007

Hot Stove Review: Pirates


  • Signed infielder/human fan Jose Hernandez to a minor league contract. A great Phucco who wears killer shades (cuz his future is so bright...) but at this point he's just a waste of a spring training jersey.
  • Tried to trade for Adam LaRoche - failed.


  • Signed Cuban pitcher Yoslan Herrera. Herrera pitched for the Cuban youth national team in 1999-2000, then joined the main Cuban national team, spending the next four years there. In the Cuban National League, he had a 8.31 ERA in 17 innings for Pinar del Rio in 2002. He went 18-7 with a 3.72 ERA in his career in Cuba according to most reports. Herrera has not pitched for two years, which puts his development slightly ahead of John VanB-boy and many other highly touted Pirate pitching prospects.
  • Signed Japanese pitcher Masumi Kuwata. Kuwata is old. The kind of old that turns a good pitcher into someone who goes o-7 with a 7.25 ERA in 2005 and 1-1 with a 6.94 ERA in 2006 in the freakin' Japanese league. The same league where Tuffy Rhodes is the next Babe Ruth, our boy Kuwata floats ERA's close to seven. SEVEN! And somehow this makes him qualified to get Albert Pujols out. Here is some more great info on Kuwata from, "Kuwata is a movie and wine fan who is not fond of animals. A fairly fluent English speaker,he is a member of a Buddhist cult called the Perfect Liberty Kyodan and his motto "Life is Art" is directly liftted from that group's teachings." So, he likes to get drunk, watch movies, kill animals and meditate. Hmmm, maybe not such a bad signing after all.
  • Signed the following pieces of garbage to minor league contracts: Einar Diaz, Michael Ryan, Chris Aguila, John Wasdin, Allan Simpson, Eddy Garabito, Carlos Maldonado and Jim Brower
  • Claimed Franquelis Osoria off of waivers from the Dodgers. This is a picture of Frank. He's a pitcher. He's no good.
  • Released Yurendell DeCaster - 26 year old catcher who hit greater than .270 each of his last three minor league seasons. Was 0-2 in the Bigs. Apparently was let go to make room for Einar Diaz, who unlike DeCaster, has proven beyond a shadow of doubt that he sucks.
  • Tried to trade for Adam LaRoche - failed.
  • Dave Littlefield got a tan at the winter meetings and not much else. Nice tan Dave, you useless pile of "Burnitz."


  • Released Jer0-4my Burnitz. No mattter what happens the rest of the off-season, this is still the Pirates greatest move.
  • Picked up the option on Damaso Marte

So there you have it. The awful truth. A season of failure followed by an off-season of futility. We haven't written much about the Pirates this off-season, now maybe you all can see why.



furiousBall said...

Why have the Pirates stunk so long? I don't mean that as a smart-ass Philly fan comment whatsoever, I'm really just ignorant of the situation over there. Is ownership not forking over dollars or are they just doing a really poor job of finding talent? They have that beautiful new ball park that I haven't heard negative comments about (like Citizen's Bank).

So, what up wid dat?

GM-Carson said...

Good post Corey, I was thinking a Pirates post was due...still may do another here soon. There lack of off-season movement besides minor league crap has me pissed though. I want to believe this club will improve, but it'll most likely be the same ol' same ol'.


D. Page said...

I think my favorite part is "Tried to trade for Adam LaRoche - Failed."

GM-Carson said...

51 votes thus far in Saturday's "Least favorite Phillie" and No-Hit Nunez is in the lead with 19, followed by party-boy Burrell with 12, Donut-eater with 9, that Irish fellow "Other" with 8, and the ballsy inclusion of Barajas with 3.

Pirates still might land LaRoche...but at what cost? My guess is Littlefield pulls off trades involving LaRoche and Mike Gonzalez and ends up with the short end of the stick each time...schmuck!

Phils are interested in Todd Hollandsworth and Karim Garcia both left-handed hitters that suck and play outfield. I heard Raffy Palmeiro wants to make a comeback, and is probably on the "juice" again...there ya go Gillick (j/k).


GM-Carson said...

Tidbits from the teams sites- the Phils bullpen sucks and it really appears that Gillick is done tinkering with it besides a deal involving Lieber. All the scrubs picked up off waivers, minor league signings, rule 5 draft, and our leftover minor leaguers will have an all-out brawl for bullpen spots in spring training, with the least shitty of the lot winning spots...oh I'm so optimistic that it's scary.

The Pirates meanwhile are continuing to do nothing and are waxing poetic about Jody Gerut...Jody f'n Gerut!


Reel Fanatic said...

Wow ... and I thought the Orioles made bonehead moves (they definitely do!) .. that is indeed just a long and depressing list of bums

Bob D said...

I like the signing of Karim, it would put the Phils 1 Garcia ahead of Florida who previously led the league. There are still 11 other Garcias available:

Mike Garcia - P
Rosman Garcia - P
Angel Garcia - P
Freddy Garcia PHI P
Anderson Garcia PHI P
Jose Garcia FLA P
Harvey Garcia FLA P
Guillermo Garcia - C
Luis A Garcia - 1B
Amaury Garcia - 2B
Danny Garcia - 2B
Jesse Garcia - SS
Karim Garcia - RF
Luis C Garcia - RF
Sergio Garcia - IF

Yeah Pirates are pretty bad off. Ed Wade did better than they are doing.

Los said...

Wait, there's another baseball team in PA besides the Phillies???? I'm confused.

A New Pirates Generation said...

de Caster's an infielder not a catcher--they let him go so they'd have an excuse to sign Jose Hernandez, not Diaz. Come on, get your washed-up vets straight.

Most of those crappy signings were made for the benefit of AAA Indianapolis. DL has to make up for crappy drafting and crappy player development.

It's sad when I'm excited because Dave Littlefield hasn't coaxed a 40-year-old out of his early retirement yet.

Let's go Phils?


GM-Carson said...

Hey I'm first and foremost a Phils fan, but I root for the Buccos too. I'm hoping for that most unlikely STATE playoff come next October. P-f'n-A baby!


GM-Carson said...

Just read an updated report on that the Phils are still interested in the hefty-lefty David Wells...I thought he was going to San Deigo?


GM-Carson said...

From Buster Olney's blog "Things to Watch in 2007"- "This isn't the best division, but it could be the most interesting. The Cardinals don't look any more dynamic than they did at the outset of last October, when they limped into the playoffs with 83 victories and serious holes in their rotation, but now they're the defending World Series champs, and even on their worst days, they have Albert Pujols and Chris Carpenter, who make them dangerous. The Astros have lost Andy Pettitte and may lose Roger Clemens, but they've upgraded their offense with Carlos Lee. The Brewers should be much healthier at the outset of the season, after being ravaged by injury last year, and if Ben Sheets makes 30-34 starts, they should have a solid rotation, with the addition of Jeff Suppan. The Cubs, we know, have invested a ton of cash in 2007. The Reds have worked to transform their defense. This division should be a summer-long brawl." *Notice no mention of the Pirates even sneaking into the picture.