Sunday, December 17, 2006

This Could Get Ugly

With nothing much brewing in regards to the Hot Stove, I've decided to have some fun with today's post and make it utterly pointless. Sure, I could be reporting on the possible three-way action with the Pirates, Yankees, and Braves. But who in their right mind wants a mental picture of Littlefield catching it in a menage a trois from Cashman and Schuerholz? Ha-ha, made you think it! I could also be discussing possible Fatty Lieber destinations, but that's getting old. Hence the need for something entirely inane, so I bring to you the 2006 Battle of PA Mascots.

The swashbuckling Pittsburgh Pirate versus the Phillie Phanatic...who wins? At first glance the Pirate appears to have the upperhand because of his ability to wield a sword and the Phanatic is merely green and fuzzy. Pirates have been known to be uncouth and pillage from time-to-time, so sportsmanship isn't a top priority. Physically speaking the Phanatic is a fat-ass so his agility is probably not a strong suit. So things look pretty bad for the most enamored mascot in professional sports...until he goes gansta on that old-school Pirate and whips out his gat.

You best recognize! That's my boy the Phanatic blazing his gun, and now you know it's all over. A sword doesn't stand a chance against a gun unless you're Uma Thurman from Kill Bill. So in the end the Phanatic beats out the Pirate in this battle to death because of his thug mentality. Not even that queer parrot is going to save the Pirate in this situation.

Disappointed I didn't converse about pertinent baseball related matters? Yeah, me too, but it was fun nonetheless.

~Carson

19 comments:

Maria said...

The Phanatic will win against any and every mascot.

Bob D said...

At least we have the best at something - a mascot! Maybe he should have his own fan club - I'll show up and start the Phanatic's Phanatics. Members will be tarred and green feathered, issued silly string and thier own hot dog gun. In the offseason we will be the right color to go across the street and root for those Eagles and join him in anger management counselling sessions.

GM-Carson said...

The phriendly Philadelphia Phillies Phanatic is the best mascot in all of sports. Some may have cooler names or outfits, but none really can compare to our hometown hero.

~Carson

GM-Carson said...

Don't fret the Toby Hall to Phillies rumor, as the White Sox just signed him.

The Blue Jays are looking to trade Alex Rios for a starter. How about we send them Jon Lieber and a prospect. Rios would look great in RF, and then we could trade Rowand for bullpen help.

~Carson

BenJah said...

the phanatic would kick any other mascot's ass anywhere in sports. he has the size, the strength, the firepower.....and the experience! seriously, have any other mascots been so good for so long.

carson -- clearly i'm a day behind on these blogs, but as for you last comment in our discussion over the last couple days: I COULDN'T AGREE MORE! rock out w/ yo' cock out! and for god/yaway/allah/krishna's sake, keep bloggin it your way!

GM-Carson said...

Benjah- I wouldn't have it any other way brotha!

By the way, this is the comment Benjah was referring to-
"Benjah- I actually had no idea you were Jewish bro. All I know is you like to spliff one up every now and then, and enjoy a sense of humor. Jewish is simply heritage, it was instilled in you, doesn't define you. That's why I poke fun at everything on this blog, because the world and its differences are funny, and making jokes about it isn't demeaning, rather it's enlightening."

~Carson

Los said...

The Phanatic would win, but probably due to interference from Phil and Phillis.

BenJah said...

a hem...

"the only gracious way to accept an insult is to ignore it; if you can't ignore it, top it; if you can't top it, laugh at it; if you can't laugh at it, it's probably deserved"

-- russell lynes

GM-Carson said...

Benjah- I am glad you and others have a sense of humor.

Los- I was going to include Phil and Phillis, but I knew the Phanatic could handle business on his own.

~Carson

furiousBall said...

don't forget the Phanatic's sneak attack thingy that shoots out his nose.

GM-Carson said...

I totally forgot about his tongue-thing that flies out of his mouth. He could easily take someone's eye out with that. Also, heard it's good for pleasing the mrs.

~Carson

goDuke said...

I thought there wasn't a Mrs. Phanatic anymore because she caught him with Phillis. That Phanatic... he's a dog.

BenJah said...

i heard that mrs phanatic caught him w/ phillis, and couldn't help herself but to join in! that phanatic and his threesome psychology.....what a dog!

GM-Carson said...

wow, we're having a conversation about the Phanatic getting it on in a 3-way with his wife and Phillis...awesome!

furiousBall said...

Here's a few moments with the Phanatic...

What's Pete Doing Here?
Hanging with his connection to get blow for the hookers
Ok, now what's going on with Charlie Hustle?
Dude, your roids fell out
Big Girls Need Love Too (notice disguise)
That's what I'm talking about

goDuke said...

How do you spell Phanatic? Its actually P I M P.

GM-Carson said...

The girl with the Phanatic, I mean P I M P, in that last link is nice.

I'm working on a Phillies Christmas Wish List...any suggestions?

~Carson

goDuke said...

I suggest a wish that Pat Burrell leaves the college chicks to the PIMP and then that way he can realize his 40+ HR, 150+ RBI potential, hitting behind Howard. (That happens, and we're having a parade)

GM-Carson said...

GoDuke- if David Bell returns, we'll be having a gay pride parade.

Read more Alex Rios to Phils for Jon Lieber rumors. Not sure why Toronto would do this deal, but I'd be cool with it.

~Carson