Thursday, December 21, 2006

Phillies Christmas List

There's a butt-load of things I would like for Christmas, but I doubt anybody buys me a Kiss pinball machine, 1980 Firebird, or that life-size Barbie doll, so I'll simply focus on my Phillies Christmas list. I'll even go as far as to sit on Phanta Claus' lap...oh you naughty Phanatic.

As I feel an uncomfortable nudge while on Phanatic's lap, I wish for Pat Burrell to be physically and mentally mended. His wrist and foot ailed him all last season, so being healthy would go a long way towards getting him back to 30+ homeruns and 100+ rbi. Fans like our buddy Los have booed the crap out of him, so he could use a brain break, which I'm sure could be accomplished through a can of Skoal, some Rolling Rock, and a stripper.

Since I'm in the demanding mood, I want that ass-hat of a manager canned. I know Manuel will only be fired if the Phils get off to a crappy start yet again, so I don't really want to see him go. But deep down in my heart I want Charlie to get the heck outta Dodge...or Philly, whatever.

I want some bullpen help. I want a setup man, not Ryan Madson. I want a lefty, a righty, and another righty, and another righty, get the point. The rotation is much improved, but our relief sucks! If Goose Gossage is available...sign him. Oil Can Boyd- sign him. Steve Howe- dig up his corpse and inject some crack into him and he'll be good to go.

I want the pompous a-holes from PhilliesPhans to come out of the closet and admit they do indeed live in their mothers' basements, drink Tang, listen to 8-tracks of Engelbert Humperdink, strategize about methods to solving a Rubik's Cube, playing Dungeons and Dragons, all while spanking the monkey to baseball stats.

I'd love for the Phillies to make a return to the postseason in 2007. I was 13 years old the last time they were there and I was being bothered by a thing called puberty (Corey just entered this stage of his life last week). I'm heading towards 30 now, so are the playoffs really too much to ask? I think Gillick is making some good moves in order to give the team a great opportunity to compete, and with some more tinkering I believe this item on my list may just be fulfilled.

Santa can stuff my stocking with some nifty knick-knacks like a set of Phillies bobbleheads, season tickets, banishment of Chris Wheeler from the booth, a Mike Schmidt autograph, a Ryan Howard homerun ball, and the return of Soul Brotha #1- Steve Jeltz.

Rudolph and crew would be kind to deliver the Phils a winning April. Consecutive 10-14 Aprils have doomed us the past 2 seasons. The old adage "you can't win a pennant in April, but you can lose one" is frustratingly true. In 2007 the Phillies are coming out of the gates guns blazing like the crowd at the BET Awards.

We've been busting on the Phanatic a lot on here recently. Truth is we love him though- he is our hero, he's our boy, he's our 2nd favorite great big green friend (the Jolly Green Giant is 1st...sorry). Therefore, I wish the Phanatic a speedy recovery from his bout with alcoholism. And when it's all said and done, I'll buy him a pint of Guinness. Ok, that was just wrong of me, but funny nonetheless!

In all seriousness, on top of my Christmas list this year is the return of David Bell to the Phillies. He has beautiful flowing hair, a great arm, wonderful range, a powerful stroke, tremendous clubhouse leader, and not to mention he does all the little things right. By the way he is so totally NOT gay. Ok, now take everything you just read and make it completely the opposite and that's how I really feel about David Bell.

Hope you enjoyed my Phillies Christmas list, and I encourage you to add your own wishes in the comments section. Happy Holidays!



chuckm said...

Here is my Phillies wish list. Mariners sign Zito and Texas speed dials PG offering Otsuka for Lieber. It looks to me like he is the only possible set-up man available. Sign Trot Nixon and go with a Werth/Nixon platoon (which should surely be a
sufficient .800+ OPS in the bottom half of the order). Move Rowand. If PG can get a bp arm for him, fine, if not, get a prospect or 2. My main pitching concern is the set-up man and if Otsuka can be had, I am okay with Geary, Madson, Smith and Castro for middle-relief and Brito as long man. I hope to see the following:

Helms or Nixon
Werth or Helms

Roberson (pinch-runner, 25th man)



P.S. PhilliesPhans is back up and requiring a $10 donation (which goes to charity). Sorry, I wont pay for a board whose head guy uses Bobby Abreu in his Yankee uni for his avatar. I was pro-Abreu and was opposed to those who scapegoated Bobby, but he is now a Yankee. If this guy is that much of a Abreu fan, he should turncoat over. Me? Never.

Bob D said...

With Conine now traded we can add that roster spot for Coste to the Christmas list. A few relievers and maybe a lefty OF we maybe set for that 2007 Championship

BenJah said...

chuckm - nothing personal (i am NOT a avatar stroker) but that lineup DOES NOT make me feel good.

i'm just as happy not to hand over 150 mil to soriano, but with the guys we got....we have a long way to go.
i realize we are close to being a playoff team, and if a team can win 82 games and still take home the crown, close has never been closer....but we're not that close!

nixon is the RF version of david 'fairyfeet' bell, and no one seems to realize that rowand and lieber are worthless (until maybe later in the season IF they get enough playing time and IF they play well).

for this holiday season, i just wish for philly management to just figure it out, whatever the hell it is....

chuckm said...

benjah- No offense taken at all and feel free to disagree with me at any time.

dane said...

yes, burrell deserves a fresh start next year. although i'm not his biggest fan, i hope he is well received next year and given a chance to prove himself and doesn't get booed immediately

das411 said...

"[Burrell's] wrist and foot ailed him all last season, so being healthy would go a long way towards getting him back to 30+ homeruns and 100+ rbi."

Not to go all dickbag stathead on you guys, but Pat did post a .258-29-95 season last year; two more three-run homers would've put him right where you want him Carson.

While I certainly hope we get more sheer production from Burrell, I think getting that type of season again is not the end of the world at all, so long as the improvements at 3B, C, and in the rotation all hold we look to be in fine shape.

Of course, if those two extra three-run homers happen to come in April games vs the Mets, Braves, or Marlins, so much the better!

My one xmas wish for this team is for Cole Hamels to have Steve Carlton's longevity.

GM-Carson said...

Chuckm- I'd like to see Trot Nixon on the Phillies in a platoon with Werth. I'd LOVE to see Otsuka in our pen, bye-bye Lieber. I like Rowand, but if we get Nixon, he's just not needed. *About PhilliesPhansPhorum- I will not be donating $10 to go there and be harassed and spoken down to like I'm some sort of lesser being just because I don't polish my bishop nighty to the stat sheet of Bobby Abreu. Some people on there were insightful, but overall they talked out of their asses.

Benjah- you're my boy, but you need to lighten up, even if only for the coming holiday week. I know this team is far from complete, but I give credit to Gillick for tweaking the roster thus far. But thanks for complaining, because I like it when people bitch, that way I'm not the only one.

Das411- I bet Cole Hamels' soon-to-be bride hopes he has Steve Carlton like longevity as well. And you know I'm a Burrell supporter. By no means is he a superstar, but he's not as bad as some make him out to be. (I expect Los to post a comment later today to the contrary).


GM-Carson said...

Amazingly, I checked my email and I was invited back to PhilliesPhansPhorum, but I'll be declining the invitation. I one of the emails I got from them was's long, but just read it and laugh, and be glad you have places like WSBGM's and BeerLeaguer to post on without fear of this kind of crap- "Here is what has been happening regarding the Renegade Phans Phorum at Currently the site is still available to mods and admins
only. However, we have decided to reopen, but under a different structure that
will be explained in a future email. Thanks for all of your PMs and emails. The
mods have received a lot of them; I have received a lot of them. We appreciate
all the input.

I wanted to let you know how we got to this point and what actually happened.
There has been a lot of misinformation and false accusations spread around.
Here's the chain of events as they unfolded.

A small group of people were using the PhilliesPhans board as a take-off point
to attack another person online in various places. This harassment included
posting actual and photoshopped images online, starting an "IHatexxx" blog
(where xxx is the philliesphans screen name of the person being harassed), and
posting derogatory and insulting messages on the victim's blog. There may have
been other actions, but these are the ones I have been able to verify.

The attack seemed trivial to the perpetrators, but naturally it did not seem so
trivial to the victim. There was no way to know for sure the extent of the
attack, what was going to happen next, and whether the attack would spill over
into anything more. As a victim of a similar online attack some years ago, I
understand that such actions are harmful. The victim is professional, and these
kinds of things can harm one both personally and professionally. Because the
attacks happened on multiple fronts, in public online spaces, and were carried
out by more than one person, it was difficult to know exactly what was going on
and how far it would lead.

The victim came to me for help. He just wanted the attacks to stop. He didn't
know who was behind them, but he knew it was related to I
intervened, since this board was the vector for the attacks, some of the
offending behavior had happened on the board itself, and the attacks were being
carried out by philliesphans posters.

As I was working to find out who was behind this, I was notified anonymously
that the attacks had been discussed on another board, a board that several
current and former philliesphans posters frequent. However, this board is
private; it cannot be viewed publicly. I was informed by the anonymous source
that there was a thread on this board about these attacks, and that there was
one post in that thread in particular in which a poster had admitted to carrying
out some of the attacks.

Now, the person who had admitted on that board to being a perpetrator of the
harassment was a former philliesphans poster. However, the mods had long
suspected that he had come back to philliesphans under a different user name. In
addition, other participants on that thread, including the poster who started
the thread, were current philliesphans posters. The thread itself wasn't an
issue; it doesn't matter to me what is discussed in a private forum. However,
that thread contained information that might help me pinpoint who was involved
in the attacks and whether a previously banned poster (who had been banned for
posting particularly hateful and vicious material) had returned to

Thus in an attempt to verify things, to get more info about the attacks, and to
determine whether the attacker was still on philliesphans using another alias, I
PM'd five posters who were online on both boards at the time and asked them to
PM me the thread on the other board. Again, let me make clear that my sole
intent was to gather information relevant to philliesphans and to the harassment
that had occured elsewhere but for which philliesphans was a vector.

Of the five people I asked to PM me that thread, three PM'd back almost
immediately and said they would not PM me the thread. Another PM'd back shortly
proclaiming that he didn't know what I was talking about. Another never got back
to me. I allowed sufficient time for the last two to make their decision, I
verified that they were online at the other site, and when they didn't reply, I
banned all five from philliesphans. The thread was available for any registered
user at the other site. Even if a poster there had not seen it before, it would
have been a simple thing to copy and paste it into a PM and send it to me. That
would have taken no longer than a few seconds.

My reasoning for banning all five was that protecting perpetrators of harassment
differs very little from actually carrying out the harassment. Furthermore, when
that harassment originated on philliesphans, referred to the victim by his
philliesphans username, and was carried out by current and former philliesphans
posters, that made the philliesphans membership of both the attackers and the
protectors of those attackers relevant.

Again, the existence of the thread on the other board was not itself the attack,
having it would merely help me determine what philliesphans members were

Subsequent to banning the five protectors, the anonymous emailer informed me
that the thread in question on the other board had been deleted. I discovered
later that it had in fact been moved to a mods only forum, at which time the
most relevant post had been deleted from the thread, and the thread was then
apparently moved back to the forum to which regular forum members had access.

While this was going on and for a while afterwards, this was discussed in a
thread on philliesphans. One of the mods on the other board made a number of
claims that turned out to be false. Another mod on the other forum, and one of
the five that I banned, sent material to another philliesphans poster, who
posted it in the name of that other person. This too contained a number of false
claims. The claims attempted to argue that this was a trivial matter, but they
did so by omitting material information and mistating other matters.

Some forum members chose to believe the misstatements, some did not, some said
we needed more information. One poster twice posted the name of the victim,
along with additional hate speech in those posts, despite the fact that I had
stated that I did not want the victim victimized twice by having his name
revealed. I deleted both posts. When that poster PM'd me that I might as well
ban him too, I obliged. I also banned the poster whom we suspected of actually
being the previously banned poster who was the primary perpetrator of the
attacks, as he posted twice in that thread, both times giving us even more
reason to conclude that he had returned under a different username. We also now
know that the mods at the other forum knew for a long time that this banned
poster had re-registered at philliesphans.

The perpetrators argued that this was just a silly prank and that I overreacted.
The facts are as stated above; you make your own judgment. The victim only
wanted the attacks to stop; it was my decision to ban posters for being involved
and/or for protecting those who were involved. I would do the same for any
poster who is harassed, and I would do the same again. Philliesphans will NOT be
used to harass people. What looks to be harmless to perpetrators looks quite
different to victims.

I shut down the forums to all but mods and admins. This was not the first time
that this particular group of posters had caused problems, but this time they
had gone much too far, in my opinion. If this was how the board was going to be
used, better to shut it down.

Since I shut down the board, the mods and admins have been discussing the future
of the board. We have decided that it will reopen as an invitation-only forum.
While it will still be publicly viewable, posting privileges will be granted
only after an applicant has been reviewed and accepted, and there will be some
minor hoops to jump through.

Current registered users will also have to re-apply, but the process will be
much easier for them. However, each will be approved, or denied, individually.
The off topic and complaints boards have been eliminated. There will be other
steps designed to insure that posters are interested in good discussion. Those
who are there to make trouble, or who aren't interested in contributing to The
Best Baseball Talk Online(tm) will be discouraged from joining by these steps.
Off topic threads will be allowed, even encouraged, as before. The goal as
always will be high-level discussion.

You will receive another email outlining how the board will be run. For now, I
wanted to set the record straight, tell you what actually happened, and let you
know that we will move forward."

*Wow...are they serious?


GM-Carson said...

I'm glad we don't play by these rules on this site, it would be bland and boring if so.

"What makes this board different from many other internet message boards is our insistence on civility, respect, and discussions backed up by sound reasoning. Here are some guidelines:


Arguments in posts should be supported. Give your reasons for believing what you do, and, whenever possible, support your reasons with evidence. Simply asserting your belief, or stating that you believe what you do and are entitled to your opinion leads to an endless exchange of “did not!”-“did too!” posts that do not carry the conversation forward. Evidence need not be statistical, but statistical evidence is usually highly regarded on this board, and is frequently used by many of our veteran posters.


When you make a post, and particularly when you disagree with a previous poster, you must engage the poster’s ideas and not attack the poster himself. You must also endeavor to address the poster’s ideas respectfully, and in a way that shows you respect him and his position. This always requires that you carefully read what you’re disagreeing with, and that you restrain an occasional impulse to be belligerent or sarcastic. We all find some ideas to be irritating, but the conversation moves forward more profitably when we are respectful, even of ideas we find bizarre or annoying. Please make every possible effort to be gracious and not to offend other posters; we all root for the same team here—be passionate but courteous.


Posts that are intentionally antagonistic, that harangue or harass other posters, that are intended simply to provoke reaction, that are intended to be disruptive, that are inflammatory, or that are mischievously erroneous or obtuse are considered trolling and should be reported to moderators. Publicly accusing another poster of trolling is bad form—PM a moderator. Posters who troll will be banned.


Decisions of the moderators and administrators are final and not subject to public questioning. If you have a question, PM one of us. Moderating and administrating this board is not fun, and we don’t get paid. If you don’t like the way the place is run, it’s probably not the place for you. Public abuse of a moderator or administrator, or public criticism of the board’s policies, membership, or rules will result in having your account deactivated without warning.


This forum tolerates no profanity of any kind, including the so-called "prime time" swear words. Replacing one or more of the letters of a swear word with symbols is also not permitted. There is a swear filter on the board, but it’s there to prevent accidents, not to constantly clean up your language.


Please refrain from reposting copyrighted works in their entirety, including articles you read elsewhere online. You may post short quotes and a link, but do NOT post the entire article. Doing so is a violation of copyright law and is illegal. Material posted on the internet may NOT be reposted anywhere else unless the copyright holder has granted written permission to do so. US law permits violators to be fined up to $100,000 per violation.


One aspect of being respectful on a message board is NOT to create lots of threads so that other important topics scroll off the bottom of the screen. Please check if a thread has been posted already on the subject before starting your own topic. If you encounter duplicate or unnecessary threads, please politely post a link in the offending thread and notify a moderator. We’ll merge or delete the thread.


Bickering with another poster is disrespectful—learn when to let an argument go; two people sometimes need to realize they’re going to continue to disagree and simply move along. Do not “stalk” another poster on the board by following him around from thread to thread and quibbling with everything he posts. Repeated instances of this behavior will also result in your account being deactivated. Do not stalk or harass other posters outside of this forum. Posters here must be free to state their views without threat of harassment or ridicule here or elsewhere.


Do not disclose personal information about members of this community on the board or elsewhere on the internet. If it is determined that you have violated another members’ right to privacy you will no longer be welcome in the community. Some violations of privacy are subject to civil or criminal penalties, so, for your own good, please err on the side of caution.


In some cases reports of misbehavior will need to be examined to determine whether a serious violation has occurred, and who committed the alleged violation. We expect members of the community to cooperate willingly in such an investigation so that a decision can be reached intelligently and with all pertinent facts.


Know these guidelines; follow these guidelines and the other rules explained in the TOS. If you disagree with the structure of this community it’s probably not for you. If you agree to abide by these guidelines (and especially if you understand the spirit behind them and the kind of community we’re trying to build) you’re welcome to join in."

Sorry if I bored you with the past two long comments, but I thought some of you might get a chuckle out of it.


GM-Carson said...

I just got a corny but awesome Christmas gift from a co-worker. She got me a book with my picture and name in it called "Baseball's Unsung Hero" and has me winning the final game of the 2007 World Series for the Phillies while pitching a complete game then hitting a grand slam to win it all in the bottom of the 9th. Corey's name is in the book too. I read it to my class and they got a kick out of it.


Bob D said...

That has to be the record for longest post and longest followup post. Now my head hurts.

And Carson a teacher??? I hope you are teaching these young minds the proper way (Phillie Phanatic rules) and the Braves and Mets are evil.

GM-Carson said...

I'm a good teacher, just to let everyone know. I have Phillies stuff up all over my room. One kid got me a Phillies fleece blanket for Christmas...sweet!


Los said...

You know what, I would love to see Burrell reach those lofty expectations we had of him ... and I wish he would take working out and focusing on baseball more seriously - if he did that, at the very least, I wouldn't be so down on him.

Happy holidays, guys!

fans said...

My xmas wish -that Coste can keep his job.. but according to, doesn't look too promising:

"Asked whether Conine's departure solidified Coste's position on the roster, Gillick made it clear that Coste isn't solidified at all.

"I can't say that any of [the bench players] - I can't say the word 'solidified.' We need a lefthanded hitter," Gillick said, noting that Werth came through the minors as a catcher. "The fact that Werth can catch some - if we could acquire a lefthanded hitter, someone could be in jeopardy."

SRF said...

Burrell needs a head break. He's feared by Mets fans. If he gets shipped out of Philly, I doubt they could get equal value unless there's some desparate team looking for an outfield.

GM-Carson said...

I don't understand how Chris Coste can't have a roster spot solidified. He did nothing but produce. I doubt he is able to replicate those #'s again, but c'mon he's better than a Roberson, Sandoval, Nunez, or Barajas.


chuckm said...

Yo C&C - Happy Holidays and much appreciation for your enjoyable blog. I like how you guys have fun with it. Cheers- Chuck

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