As advertised on the official Philadelphia Phillies web site, this fine assortment of college-aged ladies can be hired for an event. These ballgirls would surely make any occasion special. However, I thought this type of "business" was only legal in Las Vegas, and the "entrepreneurs" had to be licensed. I always knew there was something shady about the Phillies owners.
While we're on the topic of "for hire" I decided to take a peep at the remaining free agents. Phils are supposedly still shopping for a left-handed hitting outfielder, bullpen help, and a 3rd catcher. None of these names are stellar, but here is the quick rundown.
Catcher- Sandy Alomar Jr., Rod Barajas, Einar Diaz, Mike DiFelice, Robert Fick, Todd Greene, Doug Mirabelli, Todd Pratt, and Chris Widger. If I had to pick from this lot, I would go with Fick because of his ability to catch, play 1st, and corner OF, plus he's a lefty. Phils have been linked in rumors to Barajas, but he'll want a multi-year deal worth millions...not worth it, because Ruiz and Coste will do just fine.
Bullpen- Doug Brocail, Mike DeJean, Keith Foulke, Ryan Franklin, Eric Gagne, Eddie Guardado, Matt Herges, Dustin Hermanson, Ray King, Dan Kolb, Tom Martin, Brian Meadows, Kent Merker, Jose Mesa, Jeff Nelson, Darren Oliver, Arthur Rhodes, David Riske, J.C. Romero, Rudy Seanez, Scott Schoeneweis, Ron Villone, and Rick White. Please do not shoot me for mentioning Rhodes, Franklin, and Mesa in a Phillies uniform again, I apologize. Some of these guys have broken down parts, but have experienced success in the past. If I had to pick a righty and a lefty to take a risk on, I'd pick Riske and Oliver. Riske has great strikeout potential, and Oliver could be used in long relief, situational lefty, or spot starter.
Left-Handed Hitting Outfielder- Jeromy Burnitz, Darin Erstad, Steve Finley, Cliff Floyd, Todd Hollandsworth, Aubrey Huff, Ryan Klesko, Rickey Ledee, Kenny Lofton, Trot Nixon, Matt Stairs, Michael Tucker, Daryle Ward, and Bernie Williams. Huff is intriguing because he can play 3rd and 1st as well, but he wants a hefty contract. Nixon is decent too, but he wants to start, not something the Phils are offering for this role. Stairs and Ward would be fine fits, but they're rumored to be striking deals with other teams already. Tucker and Ledee have been Phillies before, but are beyond washed up. Therefore, I'd take Bernie Williams...yep I said it. He can still hit (actually a switch-hitter), and it would give Wheeler a new player to talk about- "he's does all the little things right" and "he's a winner".
Of course all of this speculation could be put to rest when Gillick decides to trade that donut-eatin-sonna-bitch Jon Lieber.