Beards, bellies, and biceps sounds more like professional wrestling than major league baseball, but in '93 both worlds collided. The '93 Phillies were a bunch of fun loving, curse like a sailor, drink like a fish, and play with your hair on fire style team. Not only did the city of Philly fall in love with them, they managed to capture the adoration of the nation. The squad went 97-65 on the way to the World Series, I still remember it like it were yesterday. To pay tribute to this rowdy bunch I have decided to stray from my typical Tag Team Tuesday format so that I could include more than two players. I've decided to go with what the '93 Phils embodied...a Royal Rumble. *All the following wrestlers were participants in the WWF 1993 Royal Rumble...thanks Wikipedia.
Rotation: Curt Schilling was the co-ace of the staff, and because he was/is a pompous ass he will be "The Nature Boy" Ric Flair for this Royal Rumble. Despite Schill being a butt nugget, he did win 16 games to the tune of a 4.02 ERA, this was his coming out season, as he's pitched brilliantly since then. Danny Jackson was a crazy dude that used to like to pump up the team by ripping off his shirt and flexing Hulk Hogan style, Hogan wasn't in the WWF in '93. Therefore Jackson will be Ted Dibiase "The Million Dollar Man" because he was so "money" with his 12 wins and 3.77 ERA. The age-less wonder Terry Mulholland was actually relatively young in '93, as he was still holding on as a lefty specialist this past season in his 40's. Terry also had 12 wins with a rotation low 3.25 ERA, he's our Repo Man for this this match. Tommy Greene was the other co-ace of the staff and he is being dubbed Mr. Perfect because of his no-hitter. He turned in a solid season with 16 wins and a 3.42 ERA. The final member of the rotation was "Big" Ben Rivera and he will be represented by Tito Santana because of alike Hispanic heritage. Ben may have won 13 games, but that's more a testament of the offense than his ugly 5.02 ERA.
Bullpen: Mitch Williams delivered that ill-fated World Series Game 6 9th inning Joe Carter homerun ball, and therefore is deemed the Undertaker...and you thought it was because of their striking resemblance. We may have never reached the playoffs without good ol' Mitchie-pooh though, as he saved 43 games with 3.34 ERA. Current member of the Phils broadcast booth, Larry Andersen, was winding down his career but was most useful in '93 while pitching in 64 games with a 2.92 ERA, he's our Bob Backlund. Also appearing in this bout were Roger Mason (Irwin R. Schyster "I.R.S.") with 34 games pitched and a 4.89 ERA and David West (Max Moon) with 76 games logged and 2.92 ERA.
Catcher: Darren Daulton is going to be Owen Hart for two reasons. First reason, ladies loved Dutch (my mom included) as he was a "Hart throb". Second reason, Owen died in '99, and Daulton claims we'll all be dead by 2012. So now that we've established that Dutch is a nut-job, we can remember that he produced terrifically in '93 with 90 runs, 24 homers, 105 rbi, and an .874 OPS.
Infield: John Kruk was a fan favorite from the '93 team and he is depicted by the '93 Royal Rumble champion Yokozuna because of their distinct slim figures. Kruks stats weren't slim though, as he batted .316 with 100 runs, 14 homers, 85 rbi, and a .905 OPS. Also in the infield was 2nd baseman Mickey Morandini who didn't add much with that bat, but played wonderful defense at a .990 fielding % clip, he is our Terry Taylor of the match. Boy-wonder, Kevin Stocker was a god-send in '93 as he came in to man short-stop and batted .324 with an .826 OPS, and will play the part of Rick "the Model" Martel. Splitting time between 2nd and SS was Mariano Duncan, our Papa Shango, while producing 68 runs, 11 homers, 73 rbi and a .282 average. In the hot corner was the hot-headed psychopath Dave Hollins being referred to as Dr. Demento. Hollins did give the Phils some offensive punch from 3rd with 104 runs, 18 homers, 93 rbi, and an .814 OPS.
Outfield: Lenny Dykastra was the leader of the outfield, the offensive sparkplug, the most roided, and biggest dipper on the team. The Dude roamed center field for the Phils and scored 143 runs while hitting 19 homers, knocking in 66, batting .305 with a .902 OPS, and stealing 37 bases. Lenny is filling the role of the Macho Man Randy Savage..."snap into a Slim Jim!". The rest of the outfield spots were platoons, ones that Jim Fregosi managed perfectly. Left field was manned by current Phils hitting coach, Milt Thompson and Pete Incaviglia. Thompson played superb defense and is Typhoon, half of the tag team Natural Disasters. The other half of the tag team was Earthquake which is Inky who hit 24 homers along with 89 rbi with an .848 OPS. Right field was patrolled by my favorite Wes Chamberlain and Jim Eisenreich. Chamberlain hit 12 homers with an .823 OPS and is taking the place of Virgil for the rumble (both were huge muscular black dudes). Eisenreich had a little syndrome known as Tourette's and will be fondly portrayed by the Berzerker. Besides uncontrollably swearing, Jim could hit too, .318 average with an .808 OPS.
Others: The skipper of the '93 Phils was Jim Fregosi and he will be represented by Jerry "the King" Lawler. The Phils also had two important bench players that season in the form of Kim Batiste (Fatu) and Ricky Jordan (Samu). All in all this was a great group of guys that looked more like softball players that went bar hopping after games than an NL pennant winning team, but they were. I will always love the 1993 Philadelphia Phillies.