Friday, November 17, 2006

Phillies Phlashback Phriday: Jay Baller

When remembering the past it's easy to recall the players that accomplished a feat (Tommy Greene's no-hitter), had an illustrious career (Mike Schmidt), or did a dubious deed (Mitch Williams World Series pitch). It's much more difficult to search the deep dark pockets of your mind where players like Jeff Baller reside. I was flipping through some baseball cards the other day and came across this card of Jeff Baller and remembered he was a Phillie. In fact Baller started and ended his career with the Phils. And oh what a career it was. His first season was in '82 and his final season in '92. That's 11 years and he was a relief pitcher, so 94 games pitched for his entire career shows the magnitude of this guy's suckiness.That averages out to about 9 games pitched a season...wow, he was durable! He also amassed lofty marks of a 5.24 ERA and 4 wins, that's like .3 wins a season...can you say "show me the money!". Of course if he were on the Phillies staff today Manuel would run him out to the mound every other game because he's a veteran...stupid Charlie! Jeff Baller's value wasn't in his performance though, it was in his look. Dude posed for a baseball card rocking the 80's mustache and some manly chesthair. This guy was obviously signed for his resemblance to Magnum P.I. (Tom Selleck). Yep, just like Burrell does today, Baller used to pull mad tail back in the day.

This is a picture of Jeff Baller today...you know he still makes the ladies hot. So, we can see that the man had it going on in the appearance department, but what about that last name. Baller would suggest he's either gay and can handle the sack with ease, or he's good at "ballin'" i.e. playing sports. Well, based on his stats I don't think he was much of a pitcher, so maybe this whole chesthair and porn-stache mojo thing is a sham. Or maybe he just wishes he were a baller much like that one hit wonder Skee-Lo.

"I wish I was little bit taller. I wish I was a baller. I wish I had a girl who looked good, I would call her. I wish I had a rabbit in a hat, with a bat, and a six four Impala."

~Carson

10 comments:

Los said...

Awful. You have so many clunkers to choose from.

Bob D said...

You have waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too much time on your hands

BenJah said...

some times it's the irreverence that makes the phlashbacks so good.

...speaking of, sirius is more than just howard. i think the music is better and the talk stations are WAY better. the baseball thing is a big plus for XM, though -- tough to argue against that. even if both have espn.

GM-Carson said...

i do these phlashbacks to remember the otherwise forgotten. you gotta love that picture of magnum p.i. and baller...great comparison.

and bob d you're right, sometimes i do have too much time on my hands...but you know you enjoy it!

~carson

goDuke said...

Wow. I mean wow... obscurity has its people who were meant to stay obscure and you ruined Jeff Baller for us. He looks like he could have been an "actor" in some sketchy 70's-80's adult movie.

GM-Carson said...

jeff baller must be walking around with a smile on his face today, because he hasn't been talked about this much in years...and epitomized nonetheless for his awesome chesthair and porn-stache!!!

~carson

GM-Carson said...

that's a robustache of a pornstache.

i loved magnum pi because of that black dude who flew the orange chopper with the class dome top. of course the brother had a pimped out ride. i also liked the queer rich dude who dressed like panama jack. great show. not close to knightrider, but still good.

oh yeah, baseball....ummm, how 'bout that wes helms character.

corey

das411 said...

What if Wes Helms is growing the porn 'stache as we speak....???

BloodStripes said...

The Phils could do with a 'stache on the roster. I reckon J-Roll would look well queer with a 'stache, especially when he shows a bit of that chrome dome.

Magnum was a good show. Great 'stache. As for Baller, at least he was able to stretch out his career. What a workhorse!

GM-Carson said...

fasano was a fan fav because of the stache...someone on next season's roster has to grow one!

~carson