"A girl starts walkin', guys start gawkin'. Sits down next to you and starts talkin'. Says she wanna dance cus she likes the groove. So come on fatso and just bust a move. If you want it baby you've got it...Just bust a move!" Oh, I remember that jam from back in the day. Too bad Young M.C. became a one hit wonder and ended up being the "fatso", landing his robust ass on Celebrity Fit Club on VH1. Young worked his big-black-booty back into shape though, so maybe he can become Jon "Eater" Lieber's personal trainer. Anyway, the point of reliving that funky song was the message of "bust a move" which Gillick can officially start doing today because free agents are now truly free to speak to all organizations...liberation!
Good ol' Stand Pat, as some like to call him, is braced to let the bidding begin on Alfonso Soriano, with a rumored initial offer of 5 years 75 million. The Stand Pat moniker isn't going to suit Gillick well this offseason, because of the flurry of activity that promises to take place. Maybe we should dub him Galloping Gillick or Cool Cat Pat with the amount of moves he's bound to bust this winter. He has quite the to-do-list, with another starting pitcher, bullpen, third base, and sorting out the outfield. You know what to do G just bust a move!
Just don't bust a move like Ed "Scrotum Face" Wade and stick us with another David "Fart Knocker" Bell...once again, gotta meet my quota. Gillick please equip Coach Dumbass, I mean Manuel with the proper pieces so that he can't even screw up a playoff bid. I suggest scouring the free agent market for a butt-load of relief pitchers and bring them to camp on low base salaries with plenty of incentives for appearances. Plus sign one proven commodity like Bradford, Baez, Weathers, Borowski, or Spier that would be capable of closing while Flash takes his annual stay on the DL. Re-sign Wolf for the rotation, or sign Batista, or trade Rowand for one of the ChiSox spare starters (Garland, Vasquez, or Garcia). 3rd base and offensive speculation could be put to rest with the signing of A-Ram, but Helms or Aurilia are more realistic and are an upgrade over Nuni. The outfield would be awesome if we landed Soriano AND kept Burrell, then allowed Victorino to motor around centerfield vacuuming up all the balls that the other two couldn't get to.
While searching for images of "bust a move" I came across this little treasure. Those two dinosaurs are none other than Bubble and Bobble from my favorite video game of all-time Bubble Bobble. This happens to be the puzzle version of the game, and therefore had to include it in the blog because that's what this entire entry was about...busting a move to solve the puzzle. Never before do I remember an offseason in which the Phils had themselves linked to so many free agents. I see this as a sign that Gillick knows that indeed "standing pat" won't do and is ready to explore his options.
Missing from yesterday's options for new fan groups were Conine's Bovines...sexy!