Not all memories are good memories, Gregg Jefferies being a prime example. Jefferies was much like the Phillies of the mid to late 90's...lackluster, unspectacular, insignificant. He was a Phillie from 95-98, and the thing I remember most about him was his hissy-fits. Every time he made an out, he would throw a bat, slam a helmet, curse someone out (many times himself), beat up the Phanactic, or roughly fondle himself. Why am I being so tough on him...he signed a 4 year 20 million dollar contract, big money back then. That makes Pat Burrell look like a bargain. Why the hell the Phillies signed him to such a preposterous deal is beyond me. It's not like Gregg was a top-shelf free agent that was going to help turn a piss-poor organization around, rather he hampered them.
Over his 4 year stay in Philly he hit 37 homeruns (less than 10 per season avg.), scored 261 runs (65 avg.), and drove in 203 runs (50 avg). He had a decent batting average, but had no power and limited walks. Therefore, those are really bad stats for a guy splitting time in left field and first base. Fellow goofy helmet wearing R-Tard John Olerud even managed to muscle up more than Jefferies...those damn helmets are just fricken heinous! Why do I punish myself and the readers of this blog with such odious "phlashbacks"? We must be aware of where we've come from in order to see where we're going, even if it means remembering butt-bags like Gregg Jefferies.
Phillies Phastphorward Phriday: Aramis Ramirez
I decided to give this week's version of Phlashback Phriday a futuristic spin. And in that "phuture" I choose to see Aramis Ramirez sporting the magnificent Phillies pinstripes. I have been floating A-Ram rumors and speculation around the Phillies blogsphere since July and now I'm hoping all my hard work comes to fruition. I have leverage nobody knows about. You all know Corey and I are self proclaimed GM's, but we also hold the power to make this A-Ram pipedream come true.
We've managed to get our grimy mitts on a genie bottle and we are now down to one wish. That wish being SIGN ARAMIS RAMIREZ TO PLAY 3RD BASE! The first two wishes we used up when we were kids. Corey used his wish to add girth to a certain area of his body, and no it's not his ankles but it does rhyme with rock. I used my wish on becoming the world champion in Mario Cart...gosh we were stupid kids! Luckily, we saved our final joint wish until later in our lives where as we're obviously more mature now and not as foolish...who the hell am I kidding?
In all seriousness, A-Ram would be just what the doctor ordered. And Corey is a doctor, so there ya go. A-Ram is a contact hitter, only 63 k's in nearly 600 ab's. He also hits for average, smacks homeruns, and knocks in runners. He had 119 rbi's last season on a dismal Cubs team. He's also had 3 straight season with an OPS above .900...and did I mention he plays 3rd base! So he is the perfect fit for the 5th spot in the lineup. He's only 28 years old and is also improving defensively...he is the answer!
Benjah- it's ok to spread a little man-love when dealing with players as attractive as Aramis Ramirez. Plus he could be added to the list of Phuccos. So without further ado, I present to you the Phillies 2007 starting 3rd baseman and 5-hole hitter...Aramis Ramirez. Just give us the damn World Series rings now, I'll take a size 11.5.