Tuesday, April 04, 2006
Only in Dreams
Only in Dreams, by Weezer, should be the theme song for this season's Phillies. Why? Because the playoffs are a mirage, fantasy, a magical happy-land that doesn't exist in the Phillies world. So, here is my breakdown of what to expect from our Phightins:
SS: J-Roll is what he is. Great glove, deserving of a *platinum Glove (*Gold Glove has been tarnished by Abreu and Jeter). Hit streak ends at 41 games. Pops out more than a teenager's woody while having wet dreams.
3B: Bell, Nunez, Gonzalez all pretty much suck in their own way. Look like a 6+ million dollar rip-off! Bell being worst of all; more queer than Liberachi.
RF: Abreu is solid, but lazier than a dead dog.
2B: Utley is the man. Best *2-sacker (*that was a ballsack reference) in the league.
LF: Burrell - Ladies love him, men envy him, and pitchers give him fastballs for some reason.
1B: Howard is a mammoth...dude is awesome!
CF: Rowand is a balls-to-the-wall defender who is going to be loved in Philly.
C: Lieberthal sucks. I can't stand him. As my fellow blogger states, "Lieberthal is an offensive catcher that can't hit" and he sure as hell can't call a game or throw anybody on the basepaths out.
Bench: Delluci and Fasano are solid. I'd rather have Pratt back, but hey we need to move on. Nunez, Victorino, and Gonzalez round out what actually doesn't seem to be a pathetic bench this season. Good bye Tomas Perez!
Leiber: not a #1 starter...on the decline.
Myers: is going to be a legitimate #1, who isn't afraid to back someone the f' up!
Lidle: seriously, why am I even writing something about this guy?
Madson: if he holds up health-wise, will look like a genius move into the rotation
Floyd: spring was a fluke, he's screwed in the head
Closer: Flash is no Flash any more, in fact I look for a stop on the DL assorted with blown saves
Santana, Geary, Fultz, Cormier, Rhodes, and Franklin are mediocre. Rhodes is good when healthy, other than that, they're all huge question marks.
Very pissed off fans. 85-86 wins, and that's my optimism coming through. Team will score plenty of runs, but will surrender even more. No playoffs yet again...only in dreams.