Saturday, December 30, 2006

New Year's Resolutions

I came across this great article on where they asked some of the players what their New Year's resolution will be. Here are some of the best answers:

Chris Coste - "No matter what Lucy says, I will not try to kick the football this year. That bitch gave me so many concussions...I should have been in the Big Show years ago."

Pat Burrell - "I want to reduce the number of cases of VD I contract this year by 50%. I'm not going to slow my roll, so the screening process is going to have to be a bit stiffer. Ha...I said stiffer."

Chase Utley - "I'm giving up hair gel. Multiple times last season I tried to stretch a single into a double...the helmet flies of...and BAM! I get a load of hair gel right in the eye. I was almost blinded by LA Looks! Not this year, 2007 is the Year of the Mousse for Chase Utley."

Tom Gordon - "My goal in '07 is to mix up my post-save celebration. My routine has been the same: get the last out, point to the sky. Problem is, there's no one there. No one to say, "Hey, right back at ya Gordo." This year, I'm mixing up my pointing. Sometimes left, sometimes right, sometimes backwards. 2007 is going to be a crazy year for Tom "Post-game-random-pointing-to-celebrate-a-save" Gordon. My second resolution is to not blow-out my elbow, but I think the pointing takes precedence."

Fabio Castro - "¿La resolución? Diga Charlie Manuel jode lejos. Odio ese rojo-cuello estúpido. Soy el Dictador Modelo, puta. El mejor reconoce."

Jon Lieber - "I've given up Krispy Kreme donuts. From now on, its either Dunkin Donuts or straight cans of lard. Those Krispy Kremes aren't healthy..."

Geoff Geary - "There's this picture of me floating around the internet. Well, let's just say I'm giving up whatever it was that made me make that face..."

Charlie Manuel - "Hold on, let me go ask Gary Varsho..."

Happy New Year


Thursday, December 28, 2006


At the beginning of the year, as we did last year, Carson and I will make predictions on the upcoming season, including the records of the Phillies and Pirates and stats for individual players. Some guys we'll predict to have good years, some to have bad years. They are merely predictions, based on nothing but instinct and feeling. They should not be confused with projections. Projections, with no offense meant to Charlie Manuel, are retarded. I'm sure the people who do these projections (like ZIPS, Chone, etc.) are very smart, but they aren't Miss Cleao. They aren't part of Dion Warwick's Psychic Friends Network. They are just a bunch of losers who live in their parents' basement and have big computers. And their computer stat projections add about as much to the baseball world as a pile of dog crap on Ed Wade's lawn. All they do is project stats based on previous preformance. Basically, they publish a load of projections where good players have good year, average players have average years, and bad players have Nunez-esque years. Wow. Thanks for the knowledge, skippy. Take the ZIPS Phillies projections as an example.

Pat Burrell - .262-28-105 - did we need a computer to tell us this? Lots of K's. Low average. 30 jacks. 100 RBI's.
Rowand & Victorino - .274/.275-12/11-52/59 - what? average outfield stats for average outfielders? Groundbreaking stuff, ZIPS.
Fabio Castro - 3-3 4.92 - this is just stupid. No way Manuel will put Castro in enough games to get 6 decisions....

They also predicted Ryan Howard will hit lots of homeruns, Jimmy Rollins will have a low OBP and the pitching staff will have loads of guys with ERA's over 4.00. Again, thanks for the info.

You can look at these projected stats for days, but in the end, all they tell you is what you probably already knew. Good teams are likely to be good, and bad teams are likely to be bad, and the Phillies are likely to finish a few games out of the Wild Card. Real baseball is not Strat-O-Matic baseball. Computers can't tell you everything. Please don't waste your time examining these projections.


Wednesday, December 27, 2006

All Over Them

Spring Training- 77 days away, a.k.a. way too fricken long! I'm floundering here waiting for any Phillies related news, so much so that I even got excited about some measly minor league signings (Lou Collier and Brent!). I could post today on the need for bullpen help, but that's been done. I could ponder Pat Burrell projections for next season batting behind Ryan Howard, but that'll get Los in a tizzy. I could make fun on Charlie Manuel and David Bell, but I need to mature. Instead I will focus today's effort on what the Phils will be doing to the competition next season in 2007- pooping all over them! The picture of Mike Lieberthal squatting over top of a National's player about to drop a Cleveland Steamer all over him is precisely what the Phils are going to do to the rest of the league. The rotation is better, the offense led the league last season and has slightly improved with the add-on of Helms, and the bench and bullpen are still being built. It's a sure thing, the Phils are going to the playoffs next season. And don't going raining on my parade today, because for just one f'n day I would like to picture the Phils on top of the baseball world.

About the maturing part above, and not making fun of Manuel or Bell...well screw that! This dog is leaving them a nice little present. Oh, I'm so juvenile.


Tuesday, December 26, 2006

Say Hello To My Little Friend

Although you might not agree with all the additions Pat Gillick has made to the Phillies, you can't deny that he isn't trying to be creative in building a winner. Freddy Garcia, Wes Helms, Jayson Werth, Rod Barajas, Adam Eaton, and some Rule 5 guys will all be looked upon to help the Phils in 2007. Many people, including myself, are still scared about the dicey situation of the bullpen, as it has more leaks and is as stinky as a three day old Pampers diaper. Patty G still has Fatty Lieber in the corner pocket to deal for a reliever if he so chooses. But I think we're overlooking who could be a vital member of the bullpen that is already in our system. Yep, none other than the Legend & Lore of Fabio Castro!

Sure we could go sign some has-been bullpenner off the MLB scrap heap (Brian Meadows- yuck!), or we could go with youth that has a bit of a following here at WSBGM's. See, Fabio Castro came to the Phils in a surprise trade by Gillick, and then he was seldom used. In fact, with the Rangers and Phillies last season, Castro only pitched 31.2 innings. He was damn good in those innings though, with a 2.27 ERA and .98 WHIP. Tell me why Manuel didn't use him more and why we're not considering him as a viable candidate for next season's bullpen? That's right the talk in Philly is that Castro will go to Ottawa and become a starter. Just doesn't make sense to me. First off, the guy has only been a reliever in the minors and has an ERA of 2.41 in 4 minor league seasons with a strikeout per inning...don't mess with success. Second, he's only 5'7", hence the "say hello to my little friend", and that doesn't bode well for a pitcher at all especially in a starting capacity. Therefore, I say leave him in the role he knows best- reliever, and a promising one at that. So let my boy Fabio Castro come out firing from the bullpen like Tony Montana in Scarface.

Christmas was very kind to me as I spent quality time with the family, ate plenty of good food, and got some great gifts- best of all being XM Radio. I got both the car and home kit- kick ass!


Saturday, December 23, 2006

12 Days of Baseball

I feel it is my duty to provide an alternate viewpoint to Carson on many issues...Abreu, what bullpen arm to sign, etc....and now, Christmas. Carson loves Christmas like fat kid loves cake. Me, I hate it. I hate Christmas carols. I hate people who can't sing, who sing Christmas carols. Seriously, shut up. No one wants to hear Little Drummer Boy in M-flat. I hate that fat, bearded bastard in a red suit who sits in the mall and has a line of children waiting to sit on his lap and whisper in his ear. Am I the only guy who thinks that is a little weird? I mean, what sort of fellow signs up for that gig? If
Michael Jackson did that, people would have a fit. And to be real, he's given more presents to kids than that fake-ass punk Santa. Ask Macaulay Culkin. There better be a pretty good interview and screening process, that's all I'm saying. I hate figgy puddy, too. I've never eaten figgy puddy, but I'm pretty sure it would taste like crap. I hate those giant inflatable snow-globes that poor people run to Wal-mart, throw down their welfare check for a dozen or so, then stick them in front of their trailer and illuminate them with flood lights. I hate the commercialization of Christmas. It's not about celebrating the birth of ol' JC. No, it's about making cash money. How much crap can you sell? What crap will people buy? A singing wall-mounted fish, people buy it. An electric ice-scraper, people buy it. A chia pet, people buy it. And I also hate having to roll my rig up to Long Island for Christmas. Not because that is where the in-laws live, but because I have to walk around Yankee-fan and Met-fan for a few days. Ugh.

I'm don't want to single out Christmas either. I hate Hannukah. I hate Kwanza. I hate Festivus.

However, I promised Carson I would do a Christmas post. So here it is....The 12 Days of Baseball.

On the 12th day of baseball, the Phillies gave to me...
Twelve games behind the Mets
Eleven Gavin Floyd starts
Ten Manuel blunders
Nine inning of Chris Wheeler
Eight Abreu homers
Seven game losing steak
Six Wild Card failures
Five Fu-Manchus
Four useless middle infielders
Three Burrell hangovers
Two losses to Ian Snell
And a dollar for a hot dog!

Enjoy whatever holiday you are currently celebrating. Bah-humbug.

Scrooge McGrinch (Corey)

The Weekender

This past week has been a busy one for Pat Gillick and the Phillies. While most people were out and about doing some last minute Christmas shopping, Patty G was tinkering with the roster. We've seen two new faces come in (Jayson Werth and Rod Barajas) and saw one old face leave (Jeff Conine). I could discuss each one of these moves at length, but I'm sure most of you have already been through that in your own head or on another site. Therefore, I'll give a brief synopsis of how I feel about each player.

I'm not really for or against the Jayson Werth acquisition. He essentially replaces Jeff Conine, who is 40, and Werth is 27, so he is younger. Conine is a proven bench player, and Werth has only proven to be unhealthy the past season and a half, hence no games played. If healthy Werth will produce better than Conine, as he has more speed and power and can play all 3 outfield positions. Gillick has recently mentioned that Werth can catch as well, although he hasn't done so since the minors.

I may be indifferent towards the Werth signing, but I'm pissed about the Rod Barajas signing. The addition of Barajas makes no sense to me. Gillick wants a proven veteran catcher on the team in case Carlos Ruiz and Chris Coste can't handle the job. Maybe I'm totally overestimating the abilities of Ruiz, but I think he can be an All-Star catcher in the near future, and we all know what Coste is capable of. I made the mistake before by casting Coste off as merely a feel-good story, and he shut me up right-quick. We now have Ruiz and Barajas guaranteed catching duties with Werth possibly stepping into the picture, so where does that leave Coste? I guess Gillick isn't a fan of Disney. Anyway, Barajas isn't horrible, I just felt that catching wasn't a situation that needed addressed with a 2.5 million dollar free agent contract...we could have gotten Sal Fasano back on a minor league deal (just kidding).

Bye-bye Jeff Conine. I respect the man and was ready to welcome him back to the bench. Conine feels he deserves more playing time than just pinch-hitting, so Gillick granted him his wish and sent him packing. He ended up being the odd man out and therefore was traded to the Red for two "prospects", but they're basically two organizational fillers. The Phils bench now only needs a left-handed hitter, preferably one that can play the outfield. I've recently read the names of Trot Nixon, Darin Erstad, Ricky Ledee, and Jeromy Burnitz. I prefer Nixon because he could platoon with Werth and then we could trade Rowand for what this team really needs...bullpen help.

Ok, now that I've bored you with my opinions of the latest Gillick moves, I figured I'd bring back the Saturday poll...special holiday edition.

What is your favorite thing about Christmas?
Eggnog and Cookies
Time Off
Presents free polls


Thursday, December 21, 2006

Phillies Christmas List

There's a butt-load of things I would like for Christmas, but I doubt anybody buys me a Kiss pinball machine, 1980 Firebird, or that life-size Barbie doll, so I'll simply focus on my Phillies Christmas list. I'll even go as far as to sit on Phanta Claus' lap...oh you naughty Phanatic.

As I feel an uncomfortable nudge while on Phanatic's lap, I wish for Pat Burrell to be physically and mentally mended. His wrist and foot ailed him all last season, so being healthy would go a long way towards getting him back to 30+ homeruns and 100+ rbi. Fans like our buddy Los have booed the crap out of him, so he could use a brain break, which I'm sure could be accomplished through a can of Skoal, some Rolling Rock, and a stripper.

Since I'm in the demanding mood, I want that ass-hat of a manager canned. I know Manuel will only be fired if the Phils get off to a crappy start yet again, so I don't really want to see him go. But deep down in my heart I want Charlie to get the heck outta Dodge...or Philly, whatever.

I want some bullpen help. I want a setup man, not Ryan Madson. I want a lefty, a righty, and another righty, and another righty, get the point. The rotation is much improved, but our relief sucks! If Goose Gossage is available...sign him. Oil Can Boyd- sign him. Steve Howe- dig up his corpse and inject some crack into him and he'll be good to go.

I want the pompous a-holes from PhilliesPhans to come out of the closet and admit they do indeed live in their mothers' basements, drink Tang, listen to 8-tracks of Engelbert Humperdink, strategize about methods to solving a Rubik's Cube, playing Dungeons and Dragons, all while spanking the monkey to baseball stats.

I'd love for the Phillies to make a return to the postseason in 2007. I was 13 years old the last time they were there and I was being bothered by a thing called puberty (Corey just entered this stage of his life last week). I'm heading towards 30 now, so are the playoffs really too much to ask? I think Gillick is making some good moves in order to give the team a great opportunity to compete, and with some more tinkering I believe this item on my list may just be fulfilled.

Santa can stuff my stocking with some nifty knick-knacks like a set of Phillies bobbleheads, season tickets, banishment of Chris Wheeler from the booth, a Mike Schmidt autograph, a Ryan Howard homerun ball, and the return of Soul Brotha #1- Steve Jeltz.

Rudolph and crew would be kind to deliver the Phils a winning April. Consecutive 10-14 Aprils have doomed us the past 2 seasons. The old adage "you can't win a pennant in April, but you can lose one" is frustratingly true. In 2007 the Phillies are coming out of the gates guns blazing like the crowd at the BET Awards.

We've been busting on the Phanatic a lot on here recently. Truth is we love him though- he is our hero, he's our boy, he's our 2nd favorite great big green friend (the Jolly Green Giant is 1st...sorry). Therefore, I wish the Phanatic a speedy recovery from his bout with alcoholism. And when it's all said and done, I'll buy him a pint of Guinness. Ok, that was just wrong of me, but funny nonetheless!

In all seriousness, on top of my Christmas list this year is the return of David Bell to the Phillies. He has beautiful flowing hair, a great arm, wonderful range, a powerful stroke, tremendous clubhouse leader, and not to mention he does all the little things right. By the way he is so totally NOT gay. Ok, now take everything you just read and make it completely the opposite and that's how I really feel about David Bell.

Hope you enjoyed my Phillies Christmas list, and I encourage you to add your own wishes in the comments section. Happy Holidays!


Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Best Quotes

As this year draws to an end, it is important to remember the significant events and people of the past 12 months before we go flipping the calendar over to 2007. We've been recognizing some of the best moments on this blog over the past few weeks, and in that spirit I bring to you Best Quotes...enjoy.

Runners-Up: (in no particular order)
*Sure Abreu got four balls more than boy Siamese twins and he had a lofty OPS, but we know he didn't exactly drip with fervor.

*Burrell is slower than a paraplegic with brake locks on.

*The Phillies are a big fat turd, sugar-coating that turd isn't going to make it taste any better going down!

*He's not very baseball savvy, and with each post-game interview seems to reach a new apex of bumbling dumbass. (About our R-Tard manager Manuel)

*I have a soft spot for the sweets too, I believe they call them man-boobs (In regards to that donut-eatin-sonna-bitch Lieber)

*Burrell would be the ultimate player's manager, with a clubhouse full of vodka, beer, Skoal, and strippers.

That's right, the Phillies have come up short again, just like a midget trying to get on a roller coaster

Like Muhammad Ali in a game of Jenga...I'm out!


Tuesday, December 19, 2006

New Guy

I've been supporting Patty G in his offseason decisions thus far, but I don't see the sense in signing a player who has missed the past season and a half with a wrist injury to a guaranteed 1 year $850k contract. Jayson Werth should have to prove his worth to secure a spot on the Phillies 25 man roster for next season.

If healthy Werth can play all three outfield positions solidly. He also came up through the minors as a catcher, but has yet to ever be behind the dish for a MLB game. He's is a lanky 6'5", so I can't really imagine him squatting behind homeplate, but he could possibly serve as 3rd/emergency catcher which would allow Manuel to use Chris "East vs. West" Coste more as a pinch-hitter and serve some innings at 3rd base.

Jayson's stats aren't all the impressive- .245 average with 25 homeruns and a .753 OPS in 232 games. But what he lacks in stats he more than makes up for with his amazing lineage, as he's come from two dicks (that is just a classic line). His grandfather, Dick "Ducky" Schofield, and uncle, Dick Schofield (who I remember from the Nintendo RBI Baseball game), both played pro baseball as did his father-in-law Dennis Werth.

If this signing is fruitful and Werth pans out, it could open the door for Gillick to trade Conine or Roberson for whatever he can possibly get. I have to believe some team would want Chris Roberson and his blazing speed to patrol their outfield and would be willing to offer up a case of Natty Ice. Ok, a case is pushing it, maybe a 6-pack. No? Alright, I know I'm being unrealistic...a single half-drank can of Natural Ice with a cigarette butt in it for Roberson, sounds fair to me.


Monday, December 18, 2006

Who's coming to town?

For no good reason, other than I was bored, I decided to switch up the lyrics to Santa Claus Is Coming To Town, so that I could harass the departed David Bell. He is so sadly missed here at WSBGM's, and therefore believe he deserves his own rendition of a song parody. He may be gone, but he'll never be forgotten, and consequently will never be safe from our ridicule.

David Bell Is Coming To Town:
You better watch out,
You might just cry,
You're probably going to pout,
I'm telling you why,
David Bell is coming to town.

He's made plenty of errors,
Hell, he's made some twice,
Gonna find out he's not worth the price,
David Bell is coming to town.

He hears the people booing,
He always had a back ache,
He knows that he's been bad not good,
So trade him for goodness sake!

O! You better watch out,
You're surely to cry,
Most likely pout, I'm telling you why,
David Bell is coming to town.
That H-Mo, Lollipop Armed, Fairy Footed David Bell is coming to town!

Isn't that just a nice little Christmas package? Candied yams anyone?